I've been informed that ice crunching means more than a signal of iron deficiency.
Supposedly ice crunchers have pent up sexual tension...
I think I'll leave it at that. :)
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Soy divertida!
Today someone threw me off guard. (Today by the way has been a much better day.) They asked me the simplest question. Subtracting school work and subtracting acting...
What do you do for fun?
And you know what. I was stumped. I know that I do stuff, but it has been a while since I sat down and made time for fun. Ack! I am my mother.
So over the next couple of days, weeks, whatever, I'm going to compile a list of things I like to do for fun. Not things I do because they will make me a better person. Not things I do that make others happy. (I'm not saying I shouldn't do those or that I'll stop.) But things I do to make me, Emily, happy. Feel free to contribute things you think I like to do in the form of comments. Or suggest things you like to do. I need ideas.
#1 I shamelessly drop anthing I'm doing whenever I notice Good Will Hunting is on TV. Life stops, whether there is five minutes or two hours left in that movie.
What do you do for fun?
And you know what. I was stumped. I know that I do stuff, but it has been a while since I sat down and made time for fun. Ack! I am my mother.
So over the next couple of days, weeks, whatever, I'm going to compile a list of things I like to do for fun. Not things I do because they will make me a better person. Not things I do that make others happy. (I'm not saying I shouldn't do those or that I'll stop.) But things I do to make me, Emily, happy. Feel free to contribute things you think I like to do in the form of comments. Or suggest things you like to do. I need ideas.
#1 I shamelessly drop anthing I'm doing whenever I notice Good Will Hunting is on TV. Life stops, whether there is five minutes or two hours left in that movie.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Breakthroughs and breakdowns
Did you ever just feel so nauseated from personal emotions that you wanted to vomit them all over the sidewalk and never have to deal with them again? I know. The image is graffic. I just feel so... sick. I don't know. I feel confused, disappointed, tired (thank you mono-relapse), overwhelmed, and lazy. And, I just feel like a slacker for feeling this way. There are so many elements out of my control and while I should be able to recognize this and move on I keep snagging my foot in the door.
Today was incredible for me in Improv though. I took risks I never would have taken before. I guess I just wanted the opportunity to prove what I have on stage. Is that vain? I don't know. I just want to cry from feeling... lost. It's not about not getting a part. It's not about other problems and struggles I'm currently dealing with. It's a general all around feeling. I'm tired of it. I know that I'll learn something from this crap I'm feeling right now. But, for once I'm tired of lessons. I know that I have to trust God knows what is best for me. Right now though I'm having a hard time. I hate that I feel that way. I hate that I can't think, "Hey, you know what's best. If I willingly turn my life over to you, you will make me happier than I could ever make myself alone." I hate that I feel like I'm making myself unaccessible to the Atoning power of Jesus Christ. I want to be forgiven and feel peace. I want to be rid of all my ill feelings so I can accomplish what I need to.
I guess if I can't vomit physically (and trust me my stomach definitely wants to) a verbal hurling will have to do. So here's a page full of blah. And here's a vulnerable Emily for the taking.
Today was incredible for me in Improv though. I took risks I never would have taken before. I guess I just wanted the opportunity to prove what I have on stage. Is that vain? I don't know. I just want to cry from feeling... lost. It's not about not getting a part. It's not about other problems and struggles I'm currently dealing with. It's a general all around feeling. I'm tired of it. I know that I'll learn something from this crap I'm feeling right now. But, for once I'm tired of lessons. I know that I have to trust God knows what is best for me. Right now though I'm having a hard time. I hate that I feel that way. I hate that I can't think, "Hey, you know what's best. If I willingly turn my life over to you, you will make me happier than I could ever make myself alone." I hate that I feel like I'm making myself unaccessible to the Atoning power of Jesus Christ. I want to be forgiven and feel peace. I want to be rid of all my ill feelings so I can accomplish what I need to.
I guess if I can't vomit physically (and trust me my stomach definitely wants to) a verbal hurling will have to do. So here's a page full of blah. And here's a vulnerable Emily for the taking.
Monday, September 05, 2005
From great generations come great questions
It's been almost ten months since my grandfather passed away and I am reading the 100 American Milestone Documents for my American Heritage class. Right now I am on President Franklin Roosevelt's Radio Address unveiling the second half of the New Deal (1936). This affected my grandfather's life! He voted; he was concerned. It makes me want to cry. I wish I could talk to him again about what it was like. How he made decisions.
I chuckle to myself when I think about my grandfather's political affiliations. He would never talk politics with anyone. He said the three things you never talk about with a man so as to avoid confrontation are Politics, Religion, and How to Raise a Family. Because everyone thinks they're right and no one wants to change. But, my grandfather broke his rule. One day as I was folding laundry he came up to me and just spilled out all of his feelings about the current political news. I think Clinton's scandal had just erupted. And, even though my grandfather had some of the highest morals I have ever known I was surprised about what he had to say. He told me about Kennedy. He talked to me about the New Deal. He wanted me to not evaluate a person based on one area of their life, but to look at the entire picture. He wasn't saying what Clinton did was right. He wasn't saying that Clinton was the perfect president. He was giving me a lesson in how to judge a man (or rather a lesson in how I should never make face judgements on a man). He was teaching me about life by swirling me among the images of his world. For a time I was enshrouded with images of the CCC, World War II, Vietnam, and the Great Depression.
I don't think he ever talked politics with anyone but me from then on. At least in the immediate family. Another day when he found out what I had registered as he came up and said "We're a lot alike you and me." I was thinking "How much of me is him? How much of me wants desperately to be the kind of man he is? Concerned about everyone's needs around him." And, as I silently wish my own political beliefs upon others I can't help but think about why they are what they are. How much of who they are is composed of their role models? Are they thinking "how much of me is him?"
I've been realizing more and more that I need to become more socially active in my community. I don't mean in an annoying "I'm going to force my opinion on you whether you like it or not" kind of way. I mean that I need to stake a claim to my beliefs, reevaluate them all the time, and look for opportunities to serve others. I don't want people to look at what I represent and see me as just a result of my desired profession or a desire to be an odd-ball in a very dominant culture. I want people to see who I am and what I stand for and say "Hey... that's Emily." I want to live my life and when I die my grandchildren say. "How much of me is her?" "How much of me is her?"
I chuckle to myself when I think about my grandfather's political affiliations. He would never talk politics with anyone. He said the three things you never talk about with a man so as to avoid confrontation are Politics, Religion, and How to Raise a Family. Because everyone thinks they're right and no one wants to change. But, my grandfather broke his rule. One day as I was folding laundry he came up to me and just spilled out all of his feelings about the current political news. I think Clinton's scandal had just erupted. And, even though my grandfather had some of the highest morals I have ever known I was surprised about what he had to say. He told me about Kennedy. He talked to me about the New Deal. He wanted me to not evaluate a person based on one area of their life, but to look at the entire picture. He wasn't saying what Clinton did was right. He wasn't saying that Clinton was the perfect president. He was giving me a lesson in how to judge a man (or rather a lesson in how I should never make face judgements on a man). He was teaching me about life by swirling me among the images of his world. For a time I was enshrouded with images of the CCC, World War II, Vietnam, and the Great Depression.
I don't think he ever talked politics with anyone but me from then on. At least in the immediate family. Another day when he found out what I had registered as he came up and said "We're a lot alike you and me." I was thinking "How much of me is him? How much of me wants desperately to be the kind of man he is? Concerned about everyone's needs around him." And, as I silently wish my own political beliefs upon others I can't help but think about why they are what they are. How much of who they are is composed of their role models? Are they thinking "how much of me is him?"
I've been realizing more and more that I need to become more socially active in my community. I don't mean in an annoying "I'm going to force my opinion on you whether you like it or not" kind of way. I mean that I need to stake a claim to my beliefs, reevaluate them all the time, and look for opportunities to serve others. I don't want people to look at what I represent and see me as just a result of my desired profession or a desire to be an odd-ball in a very dominant culture. I want people to see who I am and what I stand for and say "Hey... that's Emily." I want to live my life and when I die my grandchildren say. "How much of me is her?" "How much of me is her?"
Sunday, September 04, 2005
All the colors of the rainbow
One week of school down. Too bad I'm still kind of clueless about my schedule. To quote Sheila "Oh Emily. You're so pretty." (As she pats my silly little head.) However, it looks like I got into the section of Acting Improvisation that I wanted to get into. Several of my acting friends are probably not happy about it, but I'm doing what I can to get into the major. Which I found out is looking more and more positive. Thank goodness. I was so worried. One more audition and if I improve even just a little from last time I should make it.
Speaking of auditions I auditioned for a couple of shows. I got the lead in a student written, student directed show that will be put on one of the mainstages here. I'm still kind of shocked about that one. The other two shows that I auditioned for are biggies here on campus. I didn't make call backs for the Shakespeare, "Two Gentleman of Verona." But to my complete surprise I did for "Getting Married!" "Getting Married" by George Bernard Shaw is the senior project. There was one role that could be filled by an undergraduate girl and I was one of four to get called back. I don't know yet if I'll get the part but I was honored to even be considered. I think I have a good chance at playing Edith. But we'll see. "Getting Married" would be the first show at BYU where I would have a lead. Plus, the director is the head of the acting department. And, I'd be working with all seniors who know the ins and outs of the major and it would be incredible to just glean some of the knowledge they have gained over their years at BYU. Okay, it already sounds like my hopes are sky high, but I really am trying to be as realistic about it as possible. If it doesn't work out it will definitley be fine. I have a lot on my plate as is.
So the Utahn who speaks Italian who I kind of liked never called me back. (Ha. To all those people who think I date like crazy or weild some sort of magic influence over guys.) However, the guy that I sort of was amazed with all last year is in two of my acting classes and appears somewhat interested. He is incredibly talented and driven (the qualities I find most attractive) and frankly the fact that I even like a teensy bit scares me to death. Can I like an actor? My mom would flip, that's for sure. I'm not pushing this in one way or the other. I recently saw him in a performance and was reminded again of how talented he is, and two that he is an amazing kisser. Which reminded me of the fact that I still haven't kissed on or off the stage. My fear and anticipation of this is now reaching epic proportions. What if I'm boring? What if I'm a drooler? Would you guys still associate with me?
:) I was just thinking of this conversation I had with one of my guy friends. He laughed when he noticed how frequently I chew my ice. "You know what all that ice chewing means, right Emily?" "Yeah," I began eyeing him carefully, "it means I'm iron deficient." "Well, that too." "Wait, hold up what else does it mean?" I responded. "You're sexually frustrated." Well I guess Sheila was right again about those Mormons. ;)
Anyway, back to this boy. He has the coolest name. I think when he was born his parents were like, "I want this son to be an actor. So let's call him..." His name is a color. And no it's not analogous to the Paltrow "Apple." I realize by now that any one of my acting friends could figure out who the guy is by now so I might as well use his name. But, I don't know. A little mystery never hurt anyone. Which is why I guess my friendship with him right now has got me so intrigued.
Speaking of auditions I auditioned for a couple of shows. I got the lead in a student written, student directed show that will be put on one of the mainstages here. I'm still kind of shocked about that one. The other two shows that I auditioned for are biggies here on campus. I didn't make call backs for the Shakespeare, "Two Gentleman of Verona." But to my complete surprise I did for "Getting Married!" "Getting Married" by George Bernard Shaw is the senior project. There was one role that could be filled by an undergraduate girl and I was one of four to get called back. I don't know yet if I'll get the part but I was honored to even be considered. I think I have a good chance at playing Edith. But we'll see. "Getting Married" would be the first show at BYU where I would have a lead. Plus, the director is the head of the acting department. And, I'd be working with all seniors who know the ins and outs of the major and it would be incredible to just glean some of the knowledge they have gained over their years at BYU. Okay, it already sounds like my hopes are sky high, but I really am trying to be as realistic about it as possible. If it doesn't work out it will definitley be fine. I have a lot on my plate as is.
So the Utahn who speaks Italian who I kind of liked never called me back. (Ha. To all those people who think I date like crazy or weild some sort of magic influence over guys.) However, the guy that I sort of was amazed with all last year is in two of my acting classes and appears somewhat interested. He is incredibly talented and driven (the qualities I find most attractive) and frankly the fact that I even like a teensy bit scares me to death. Can I like an actor? My mom would flip, that's for sure. I'm not pushing this in one way or the other. I recently saw him in a performance and was reminded again of how talented he is, and two that he is an amazing kisser. Which reminded me of the fact that I still haven't kissed on or off the stage. My fear and anticipation of this is now reaching epic proportions. What if I'm boring? What if I'm a drooler? Would you guys still associate with me?
:) I was just thinking of this conversation I had with one of my guy friends. He laughed when he noticed how frequently I chew my ice. "You know what all that ice chewing means, right Emily?" "Yeah," I began eyeing him carefully, "it means I'm iron deficient." "Well, that too." "Wait, hold up what else does it mean?" I responded. "You're sexually frustrated." Well I guess Sheila was right again about those Mormons. ;)
Anyway, back to this boy. He has the coolest name. I think when he was born his parents were like, "I want this son to be an actor. So let's call him..." His name is a color. And no it's not analogous to the Paltrow "Apple." I realize by now that any one of my acting friends could figure out who the guy is by now so I might as well use his name. But, I don't know. A little mystery never hurt anyone. Which is why I guess my friendship with him right now has got me so intrigued.
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