Loving the love of my life

It's a Saturday. I'm going out with the girls for Coldstone and a movie at the dollar theatre. That should be nice. Currently I'm listening to A New Brain, a musical about a homosexual couple struggling with the problems that heterosexuals face. And darn it, all I can think about is Rob. I still love him... and I think I will all my life. It's so frustrating because I know he's happy with Kyle. And I love Kyle; he's great and he makes Rob happy. And Rob's happiness is all I care about.

So there's one song on the CD called "An Invitation to Sleep in My Arms." Gordo has brain problems, possibly a tumor, so everyone is unsure how much longer he will live. His boss is expecting him to finish writing the song to his musical by that night or he'll lose his job. But Roger, his lover, has just invited him to sleep in his arms. Who knows how much more time they have to share with each other in life. And they argue about which is more important. Here are some of the lyrics:

Roger:

Would you ever
Consider
Lying close to me tonight?
Could be exciting.
I'm inviting you to sleep in my arms.
Maybe we'll laugh to loud
Maybe we'll dance and you will sing.
Maybe we'll smile at all the pleasures
Sex and eating often bring.
Maybe we'll say no words.
Just saying nothing is sublime.
Maybe we'll read a book you always meant to read
For which you never had the time.

Forget the writing,
I'm inviting you
To sleep in my arms.
And if you snore,
I'll let you snore.
Maybe there's more,
Maybe there's more.

It's funny. When I romantically loved Rob all I wanted was to sleep in his arms. Just wake up and see him smile at me and stroke my hair. I hope he's happy and getting everything he ever wanted.

It's not that I'm not dating. I am. More so right now than I ever have. (Don't think that's a ton, it's like twice a month.) But in that very back corners a part of my heart is saved for him. I know in time that will go away. I anticipate it. But still I love him. I think I always will.