If you chance to meet a frown...

Somethings are easy to predict. Examples: Red sails at night sailors' delight... The ball dropping on New Year's. Fake smiles from Flight Attendants. That village in Germany holding their annual gratitude pageant from being spared from war. Underage kids sneaking into an R-rated movie. How the weather affects Emily's mood. Sun, sun, warmth, warmth, and then somebody upstairs thinking it would be funny to all of a sudden make it drizzily and cold. Blech.

Today was just one of those days. I hate it when my acting confidence is shaken. First it annoys me when it happens. Second, try as I might it affects--at least on a minor scale--my day. Third, it makes me more conscious of myself which makes me suck even more. I guess the worst is when you feel like you did a really good job and you were originally told that and then you watch yourself in class and all of a sudden everything that you were directed to do and were complimented on is shredded to little bits. The hardest thing is as actors we have to roll with the punches. We have to take every ounce of criticism and grow from it. Even if that criticism is hogwash (and I'm not hinting that this criticism was at all) we still have to process it as crap. It still affects us. There's so much involved. And just when I feel like I'm finally connecting with my body... smack... I'm told those impulses are fabricated. It was a pretty sucky feeling.

On a lighter note I had one of the best weekends in spite of how busy it was. Well, except for the Kenneth Cope fireside that I knew would be portentous and knew I would dislike, felt obligated to attend, felt forced to feel the spirit and hated for his sake that I didn't want to be there. But other than that my weekend was pretty great. I still can't wipe this giddy smile off of my face. :) I had one of the best dating experiences I have ever had. For the first time I felt completely myself. I didn't feel like I was holding back to "play the game." I felt comfortable and listened to and appreciated. It was so nice. Even if this doesn't go anywhere (and I'm not sure where and if it would go) it let me know that I don't have to feel awkward and uncomfortable on a date. I should never not be me. So thanks to the person that gave me that. If you ever read this you know who you are. :)