Birmingham Blues

So I've been sitting in front of my computer for awhile now. Killing time. I have a three o'clock train to catch that'll take me to London. I'm at this weird hostel in the dumpy side of Birmingam sucking up their free (albeit slow) internet. I've been thinking about a lot of things. I'm wanting to be home right now. I've been trying to figure out why. I haven't been homesick for one moment during my entire time abroad. So I think this is my body's attempt to prepare myself for separation with the UK. It's saying, "hey, you miss your family and friends. It's really good to be going home." This is so that I don't bite, claw, and scratch anyone on my forced way out of the country.

I don't know if I'm really happy about going back to Utah. I think I'm actually kind of depressed about it. A part of me really is anti-school right now. I still have to finish a project that I've been working on here. Reading a novel a day has certainly lost it's novelty. (I'm still trying to figure out that word structure similarity.) I wish I could have infinite funds (if just for the year) and go to all of the places I want to go with the people I love. Unfortunately the people I love (and like) are off doing their own things... ala missions, studying (blah), acting, and being responsible. And they also don't have infinite funds.

This trip has done a lot for me. I think it's definitely loosened me up. My word I haven't been this relaxed, well, ever I think. And it's taught me that UK boys are some of the nicest in the world. At least the ones that I've been spending time with.

Yesterday, I randomly met up with this guy I met once in Glasgow. I was introduced to him as a friend to the boy I'm writing on his mission (we'll call the boy I'm writing Glasgow). I sent him an email this past week letting him know that I was passing through England and going to stop in Birmingham if he was interested in meeting up with me. And he was! And he took the train in. And he walked me around the university so that I could get a feel for it. And we walked all around Birmingham. And then after we got dinner he insisted on paying for it. And he was concerned about me walking back to the hostel and me not getting lost. I couldn't understand why he was being so nice to me. I mean, he's a pretty faithful Mormon boy. It's not like he's trying to bed me. Although if he was, that would have been a pretty successful tactic. We got on well. I mean really well. I obviously still care much more for Glasgow. But this guy that I hung out with last night and I had a great time. If I were actually living in Birmingham I think we would become fast friends.

After all of this I discovered that he barely even knew Glasgow, that I probably knew him better than Glasgow. So I'm going to bed last night wondering why on earth this guy was so nice. I mean honestly. I'm a cool person, I think. But "I'm no Gwyneth Paltrow or anything."

I've been thinking a lot about what this trip has done for me. I think I'm a lot more confident. Sure I still have moments where I'm discouraged with certain issues of my past. But, overall I feel a lot stronger as a person. More committed to things I want. Generally, I think I have a better focus for my life. There are some things I don't understand. Why all of the guys I'm interested in (for more than 10 seconds... because I'm interested in loads of guys for 10 seconds) located in the UK?

What is my future going to be like? This is what I see right now.

I go to school this year:
Acting
Singing
Directing
WORKING tons
Writing the missionaries (my brother and Glasgow)

I go home next April:
WORKING tons
Spending time with my friends
Spending time with my family
Traveling to Maine?
Writing the missionaries (At least my brother and if Glasgow still writes me... then him too)